im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
