This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
