True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
