I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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