The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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