my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
