Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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