I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
