he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
