1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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