i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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