I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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