My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
