Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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