I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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