I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
