So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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