Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
