Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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