am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
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The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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