Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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