11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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