Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The uberlube is also flammable
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
