Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
