Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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