GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
