We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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