the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
