The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
