She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
