im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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