watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
