So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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