I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
