His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
