The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize