Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They have beer where we have blood.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
