The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
