if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
