after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
