i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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