he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
