Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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