Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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