You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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