i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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