I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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