Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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