I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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