i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
