come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
