I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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