he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
