she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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