Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You can't special order awesome
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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