I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
