somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
