I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
