It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
