Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
