you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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