I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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