Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
