Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
