Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize