The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
