Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
