apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
