Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
