I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
