Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
