i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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