Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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