you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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