I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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