Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
