She just used a chaser for red wine.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
