When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
