Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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