she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
