all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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