Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
